Ace: Deuce, I have a question for you. How many Supreme Court justices can you name?
Deuce: Uh...Bush? And Clarence Thomas...who can forget him? Public hairs on Coke cans and all that. Also there's that Jewish lady...Ginsberg? Goldberg? Or is it Judge Judy? Oh...John Foster Marshall...Duke of Earl Warren...Frank Lee Wright...
Ace: Don't you mean Frank Lloyd Wright?
Deuce: Yeah. I couldn't remember his exact name.
Ace: Well, except for Clarence Thomas, you're way off. Although Judge Judy wouldn't be a bad choice.
Now I have another question: How many members of the Brady Bunch can you name?
Deuce: Easy. Marsha, Cindy, Jane, Peter, Bobby, Greg, Mom, Dad and Alice. Might as well count Alice. She was member in all but biological kinship.
Ace: You're right about all of them. Now, what does that say about you?
Deuce: That I'm kinda ignorant about the government?
Ace: At least the Supreme Court. And by the way...Frank Lloyd Wright was an architect.
*
ADDENUM: This is a reworking of something I saw on the internet.
Showing posts with label ace and deuce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ace and deuce. Show all posts
Friday, February 4, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
First Conversation Of The New Year
Ace: First...happy new year.
Deuce: And a happy one to you, too.
Ace: Did you celebrate last night?
Deuce: Yep. Started about ... oh...about 3 in the afternoon. Maybe 3:30. No later than 4. Started drinking the bubbly. Some sort of sparkling wine. Asti Spumanti, if I remember the name. Had some cheese and champagne crackers with it.
Ace: For dinner?
Deuce: More or less.
Ace: Damn. Eat healthier. Try to make that one of your new year's resolutions. I just opened a bottle of some dry red wine and drank two glasses of it . Went to bed around 10 p.m.
Deuce: I gotta admit, I went to bed a lot earlier than that. Woke in the middle of the night and finished off the sparkly. Hair of the dog and all that.
Ace: You did all of this at home?
Deuce: Yes.
Ace: Good. You stayed off the roads. I know you can be dumb sometimes and crazy at other times, but at least you're not stupid.
Duce: Hey, you were talking about new year's resolutions. You got any?
Ace: One of them is to stay away as much as I can from racists. Cut them out of my life if possible. And I think they're going to be more prominent. Obama's halfway through his term. He's had a lot of opposition. From the public, and I know --I just know -- that's a lot of it is because he's black. And it's true schadenfreude on my part to know that it gives them pain that a black man is president. To them, he's an inferior person; if he's a person at all and not some cross between a primate and a human.
Deuce: How do you think he's doing?
Ace: As best as he can. The Republicans in Congress will be sand in the gears of government and will act worse than they did during 2009 and 2010. They'll oppose him for the sake of opposing him.
Obama's too reasonable. You can't be reasonable with them. They're like dogs. You gotta be hard with them. It's the only thing they respect.
And who's more like an animal: Obama or the congressional Republicans?
But fuck them and fuck those who support them. They remind me of Nazis.
Deuce: You know what they say on the internet. Once you mention Nazis, it can only go downhill from there. Or so I remember.*
Ace: Fuck that fucking bullshit. I'm not talking about your redneck stormtroopers or your psychopathological SSers. I'm talking about your basic hometown Nazis. Like a lot of Germans were in the 1930s.
But at the same time I realize these Republicans and their supporters aren't Nazis, who wanted to a big transformation of Germany. They're more like Francoists; Instead of radical revolutionaries, they're radical reactionaries, with evangelical Protestantism and big business taking the place of the Catholic church and the nobility in Spain. So you might as well call them home town quasi-fascists.
Deuce: Damn. You don't like those people.
Ace: I never have. When I was younger and Richard Nixon was president, they used to show the uglier sides of their souls too much in public. Nixon was the dark soul, the demonic side -- their shadow, to be Jungian about it -- of what they were.
I also used to read and see a lot of comparisons between a lot of my "fellow citizens" and Nazis in the 1970s. By the early 1980s, those comments disappeared. Don't know why. It still applies.
But enough of that now. I gotta start walking. Wanna get in shape and lost some weight.
Deuce: I'm gonna go to the grocery story. Get some green leafy vegetables. You're right. I should eat better.
*
ADDENUM: Deuce was referring to what's been called Godwin's Law. For an explanation of it, please click here.
Deuce: And a happy one to you, too.
Ace: Did you celebrate last night?
Deuce: Yep. Started about ... oh...about 3 in the afternoon. Maybe 3:30. No later than 4. Started drinking the bubbly. Some sort of sparkling wine. Asti Spumanti, if I remember the name. Had some cheese and champagne crackers with it.
Ace: For dinner?
Deuce: More or less.
Ace: Damn. Eat healthier. Try to make that one of your new year's resolutions. I just opened a bottle of some dry red wine and drank two glasses of it . Went to bed around 10 p.m.
Deuce: I gotta admit, I went to bed a lot earlier than that. Woke in the middle of the night and finished off the sparkly. Hair of the dog and all that.
Ace: You did all of this at home?
Deuce: Yes.
Ace: Good. You stayed off the roads. I know you can be dumb sometimes and crazy at other times, but at least you're not stupid.
Duce: Hey, you were talking about new year's resolutions. You got any?
Ace: One of them is to stay away as much as I can from racists. Cut them out of my life if possible. And I think they're going to be more prominent. Obama's halfway through his term. He's had a lot of opposition. From the public, and I know --I just know -- that's a lot of it is because he's black. And it's true schadenfreude on my part to know that it gives them pain that a black man is president. To them, he's an inferior person; if he's a person at all and not some cross between a primate and a human.
Deuce: How do you think he's doing?
Ace: As best as he can. The Republicans in Congress will be sand in the gears of government and will act worse than they did during 2009 and 2010. They'll oppose him for the sake of opposing him.
Obama's too reasonable. You can't be reasonable with them. They're like dogs. You gotta be hard with them. It's the only thing they respect.
And who's more like an animal: Obama or the congressional Republicans?
But fuck them and fuck those who support them. They remind me of Nazis.
Deuce: You know what they say on the internet. Once you mention Nazis, it can only go downhill from there. Or so I remember.*
Ace: Fuck that fucking bullshit. I'm not talking about your redneck stormtroopers or your psychopathological SSers. I'm talking about your basic hometown Nazis. Like a lot of Germans were in the 1930s.
But at the same time I realize these Republicans and their supporters aren't Nazis, who wanted to a big transformation of Germany. They're more like Francoists; Instead of radical revolutionaries, they're radical reactionaries, with evangelical Protestantism and big business taking the place of the Catholic church and the nobility in Spain. So you might as well call them home town quasi-fascists.
Deuce: Damn. You don't like those people.
Ace: I never have. When I was younger and Richard Nixon was president, they used to show the uglier sides of their souls too much in public. Nixon was the dark soul, the demonic side -- their shadow, to be Jungian about it -- of what they were.
I also used to read and see a lot of comparisons between a lot of my "fellow citizens" and Nazis in the 1970s. By the early 1980s, those comments disappeared. Don't know why. It still applies.
But enough of that now. I gotta start walking. Wanna get in shape and lost some weight.
Deuce: I'm gonna go to the grocery story. Get some green leafy vegetables. You're right. I should eat better.
*
ADDENUM: Deuce was referring to what's been called Godwin's Law. For an explanation of it, please click here.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Batman Versus...The Milkman?
Ace: I saw this on the net. Some guy said, "I want to watch a piece of cheese kill Batman." That might be an interesting fight.
Deuce: One piece of cheese wouldn't be enough to kill Batman.
Ace: I knew he was tougher than damn dairy product.
Deuce: Instead, it would have to be several thousand pieces of cheese. And if they killed Batman, it wouldn't be in a fight...at least not directly...
Ace: What?
Deuce: Say Batman, in his secret identify of Bruce Wayne, eats a lot of dairy products like milk that's not low in fat and rich cheeses and butter and not margerine and ice cream and so forth. His body and physiology might have a tendency to produce or retain cholesterol. The walls of his arteries and veins might get heavily coated with cholesterol, causing possible blockage. And he might have a heart attack or stroke...possibly fatal...because the blood doesn't flow properly through his body. An incident might be especially provoked during a vigorous fight against some villians or even one villian.
Ace: So... the cheese is a stealth killer!
Deuce: If he has one of those incidents, he could be crippled until he dies. It depends on the severity of the incident and the medical treatment he gets afterward. If that would happen, it would be more fiendish that anything the Joker or any of his enemies could do to him.
Ace: Dammmmmmmmmm! That's...interesting.
Deuce: And that's why I tell you to cut back on the dairy.
Deuce: One piece of cheese wouldn't be enough to kill Batman.
Ace: I knew he was tougher than damn dairy product.
Deuce: Instead, it would have to be several thousand pieces of cheese. And if they killed Batman, it wouldn't be in a fight...at least not directly...
Ace: What?
Deuce: Say Batman, in his secret identify of Bruce Wayne, eats a lot of dairy products like milk that's not low in fat and rich cheeses and butter and not margerine and ice cream and so forth. His body and physiology might have a tendency to produce or retain cholesterol. The walls of his arteries and veins might get heavily coated with cholesterol, causing possible blockage. And he might have a heart attack or stroke...possibly fatal...because the blood doesn't flow properly through his body. An incident might be especially provoked during a vigorous fight against some villians or even one villian.
Ace: So... the cheese is a stealth killer!
Deuce: If he has one of those incidents, he could be crippled until he dies. It depends on the severity of the incident and the medical treatment he gets afterward. If that would happen, it would be more fiendish that anything the Joker or any of his enemies could do to him.
Ace: Dammmmmmmmmm! That's...interesting.
Deuce: And that's why I tell you to cut back on the dairy.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Some New Lingo
Sometime in August, I came across two new on the internet. I didn't know them before and I present them to you now.
The first is TL;DR. It's short for Too Long; Didn't Read.
I think it should be DR;TL. I'll explain why in this dialog:
Deuce: I didn't read it.
Ace: Why not?
Deuce: It was too long.
That gives the action -- or inaction -- and the reason behind it. And some people say you should give a reason for your actions or inactions only if someone asks you. TL;DR gives the reason first, as if apologizing for the action or inaction.
This examples shows that there is a difference in how you word things and the intent behind them.
The other is the abbrevation TITS OR GTFO. It means the poster in a thread (cyber talk for conversation, especially at a forum site) should show a picture of a woman's naked bosom or go away.
I found that expression a little too vulgar. I would reword it as:
My good sir (or good woman), please present a picture of a bare bosom (or your bare bosom) or vacate the premise immediately!
See how much more classy that is?
The first is TL;DR. It's short for Too Long; Didn't Read.
I think it should be DR;TL. I'll explain why in this dialog:
Deuce: I didn't read it.
Ace: Why not?
Deuce: It was too long.
That gives the action -- or inaction -- and the reason behind it. And some people say you should give a reason for your actions or inactions only if someone asks you. TL;DR gives the reason first, as if apologizing for the action or inaction.
This examples shows that there is a difference in how you word things and the intent behind them.
The other is the abbrevation TITS OR GTFO. It means the poster in a thread (cyber talk for conversation, especially at a forum site) should show a picture of a woman's naked bosom or go away.
I found that expression a little too vulgar. I would reword it as:
My good sir (or good woman), please present a picture of a bare bosom (or your bare bosom) or vacate the premise immediately!
See how much more classy that is?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Flip A Coin
Ace: Hommala hommala hommala BING!!!
Deuce: What the hell was that?
Ace: Hey. I was expressing myself!
Deuce: Use English, you tool. People might understand you for a change.
Ace: Hey, while you're here, I got something to ask you.
Deuce: What is it?
Ace: I have this thing to do and I have two choices to follow. But I don't know which one to do.
Deuce: Simple. Flip a coin.
Ace: Does that work?
Deuce: It does. It works not because it answers the questions before you, or settles the situation. When the coin's in the air, you know what you want to do.
Ace: Thanks.
Deuce: By the way, what was your big choice?
Ace: I was going to ask O.J. Simpson what was harder for him to do or what mean more to him: Rushing for 2,000 yards that one football season or killing two people that one night.
Deuce: I'm sure you'll get the answer you want.
Ace: Hey, do you think O.J. will flip a coin before he answers me?
Deuce: What the hell was that?
Ace: Hey. I was expressing myself!
Deuce: Use English, you tool. People might understand you for a change.
Ace: Hey, while you're here, I got something to ask you.
Deuce: What is it?
Ace: I have this thing to do and I have two choices to follow. But I don't know which one to do.
Deuce: Simple. Flip a coin.
Ace: Does that work?
Deuce: It does. It works not because it answers the questions before you, or settles the situation. When the coin's in the air, you know what you want to do.
Ace: Thanks.
Deuce: By the way, what was your big choice?
Ace: I was going to ask O.J. Simpson what was harder for him to do or what mean more to him: Rushing for 2,000 yards that one football season or killing two people that one night.
Deuce: I'm sure you'll get the answer you want.
Ace: Hey, do you think O.J. will flip a coin before he answers me?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Those Who Have, Those Who Don't
Ace: There's two kinds of people: Them that's got, and them that ain't got enough.
Deuce: Two classes, you mean. And straighten up your grammar.
Ace: Well, those are the two big groups. Then there are those who have enough and don't want any more. But there are few of them around.
Deuce: And since they're content, they don't make much noise, so you don't notice them. Satisfaction's a very hard thing to find or get in this world. And it's a very hard thing to keep when you find it or get to it. And hey -- I just realized: Malcontents and the discontented make things happen if they're not running things. Malcontents and the discontented could act from reasons like anger, rage, and hatred all the way to a desire to do something different for its own sake -- for the hell of it, for no utilitarian reasons, with no benefit seen or wanted. Things done for a reason: Is that heaven? If that's so, then give me hell.
Ace: You're sure full of the bullshit today.
Deuce: You should talk. And I'm surprised that you stayed awake to hear what I said.
Deuce: Two classes, you mean. And straighten up your grammar.
Ace: Well, those are the two big groups. Then there are those who have enough and don't want any more. But there are few of them around.
Deuce: And since they're content, they don't make much noise, so you don't notice them. Satisfaction's a very hard thing to find or get in this world. And it's a very hard thing to keep when you find it or get to it. And hey -- I just realized: Malcontents and the discontented make things happen if they're not running things. Malcontents and the discontented could act from reasons like anger, rage, and hatred all the way to a desire to do something different for its own sake -- for the hell of it, for no utilitarian reasons, with no benefit seen or wanted. Things done for a reason: Is that heaven? If that's so, then give me hell.
Ace: You're sure full of the bullshit today.
Deuce: You should talk. And I'm surprised that you stayed awake to hear what I said.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A Meandering Conversation
Ace: You know what?
Deuce: What?
Ace: I'm pretty white -- or fair skinned, to be exact.
Deuce: That's true.
Ace: So I've decided not to get a tan this summer. I'm going to be working on my pale.
Deuce: That's nice to know.
Ace: I also created a new phrase.
Deuce: What is it?
Ace: It's "Zee this off." It means "Let's end this, quit doing this, especially because it's boring." It comes from Z, the last letter of the alphabet and ZZZ, the sound of someone snoring.
Deuce: Damn, you're creative!
Ace: I got this question for you. If a guy had a glass eye, false teeth, and a hip replacement -- how much of a cyborg is he?
Deuce: Hard to tell.
Ace: I forgot. The guy also wears glasses and uses a hearing aid.
Deuce: What?
Ace: I'm pretty white -- or fair skinned, to be exact.
Deuce: That's true.
Ace: So I've decided not to get a tan this summer. I'm going to be working on my pale.
Deuce: That's nice to know.
Ace: I also created a new phrase.
Deuce: What is it?
Ace: It's "Zee this off." It means "Let's end this, quit doing this, especially because it's boring." It comes from Z, the last letter of the alphabet and ZZZ, the sound of someone snoring.
Deuce: Damn, you're creative!
Ace: I got this question for you. If a guy had a glass eye, false teeth, and a hip replacement -- how much of a cyborg is he?
Deuce: Hard to tell.
Ace: I forgot. The guy also wears glasses and uses a hearing aid.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
About The Ladies
Ace: Hey, do you want to hear something?
Deuce: What?
Ace: The sound of someone spitting up -- PL-PL-PL-PL-FEW!
Deuce: Jesus, you fucking idiot! Watch it!
Ace: At least I didn't spit anything up and out and onto the floor.
Deuce: Shit like that is why you're a loser with the ladies. Remember that girl you told me about? You took her out on a date last month. How did that go, anyway?
Ace: Not so well. She had sensuously plump lips, beautiful enough to kiss. And I wanted to do that slowly and for a long, long time. But she wouldn't let me. She said, "You don't know me." I said, "You won't let me know you. Why not?"
Deuce: You said that on the first date?
Ace: Yep.
Deuce: Too soon, Lothario.
Ace: But if she had let herself know me, she would've found out that I'm sensitive. I notice the lightness of cotton candy, butterfly wings, and the hopes and dreams of all small children. And I also noticed that the sky sometimes is not pearl gray, but a pastel gray. A lot of people don't see that; they think pastel colors are in blue or pink. But I see it.
Deuce: Oh well ... her loss ... I guess.
Ace: You guess so. I know so.
Deuce: You miss Dee, don't you?
Ace: A great woman.
Deuce: She hung around for a while. I guess she could tolerate you.
Ace: She dug it when I said, "Dog me, dog my love."
Deuce: Your dog?
Ace: Yeah -- the mad dog on the night train.
Deuce: If I remember rightly, your love life was pretty good.
Ace: Yeah. I once asked her, "Let's take a trip to the dark side, and I'll be your tour guide." Another time, I said, "Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."
Deuce: Damn. She was pretty open.
Ace: Yeah.
Deuce: O well ... things change.
Ace: I remember one time when we were sitting side by side on a couch, watching a movie with Cameron Diaz in it. Our arms were touching. We turned to each other at the same time and started French kissing -- pretty hot and heavy. I knew I could fuck her. I started to take off her clothes when, all of a sudden, Cameron crawled out of the television set. She asked if she could join us and we said yes -- definitely. She took off her clothes. We were all naked and they were licking me all over when I woke up.
Deuce: I bet you're pissed that something like it never happened in real life.
Ace: And while we're talking, I have a question: If the apex is the highest point, is the zeepex the lowest?
Deuce: It doesn't work that way.
Ace: O well, it's time for the first fifth ...
Deuce: Of the day, you goddamn alcoholic?
Ace: No. Of the week, perhaps ...
Deuce: What?
Ace: The sound of someone spitting up -- PL-PL-PL-PL-FEW!
Deuce: Jesus, you fucking idiot! Watch it!
Ace: At least I didn't spit anything up and out and onto the floor.
Deuce: Shit like that is why you're a loser with the ladies. Remember that girl you told me about? You took her out on a date last month. How did that go, anyway?
Ace: Not so well. She had sensuously plump lips, beautiful enough to kiss. And I wanted to do that slowly and for a long, long time. But she wouldn't let me. She said, "You don't know me." I said, "You won't let me know you. Why not?"
Deuce: You said that on the first date?
Ace: Yep.
Deuce: Too soon, Lothario.
Ace: But if she had let herself know me, she would've found out that I'm sensitive. I notice the lightness of cotton candy, butterfly wings, and the hopes and dreams of all small children. And I also noticed that the sky sometimes is not pearl gray, but a pastel gray. A lot of people don't see that; they think pastel colors are in blue or pink. But I see it.
Deuce: Oh well ... her loss ... I guess.
Ace: You guess so. I know so.
Deuce: You miss Dee, don't you?
Ace: A great woman.
Deuce: She hung around for a while. I guess she could tolerate you.
Ace: She dug it when I said, "Dog me, dog my love."
Deuce: Your dog?
Ace: Yeah -- the mad dog on the night train.
Deuce: If I remember rightly, your love life was pretty good.
Ace: Yeah. I once asked her, "Let's take a trip to the dark side, and I'll be your tour guide." Another time, I said, "Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."
Deuce: Damn. She was pretty open.
Ace: Yeah.
Deuce: O well ... things change.
Ace: I remember one time when we were sitting side by side on a couch, watching a movie with Cameron Diaz in it. Our arms were touching. We turned to each other at the same time and started French kissing -- pretty hot and heavy. I knew I could fuck her. I started to take off her clothes when, all of a sudden, Cameron crawled out of the television set. She asked if she could join us and we said yes -- definitely. She took off her clothes. We were all naked and they were licking me all over when I woke up.
Deuce: I bet you're pissed that something like it never happened in real life.
Ace: And while we're talking, I have a question: If the apex is the highest point, is the zeepex the lowest?
Deuce: It doesn't work that way.
Ace: O well, it's time for the first fifth ...
Deuce: Of the day, you goddamn alcoholic?
Ace: No. Of the week, perhaps ...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Man U, And Not The Soccer Team
Ace: Hey -- what happened to the clock on the wall?
Deuce: I dropped it when I was winding it.
Ace: Is it broken?
Deuce: Yes. I broke it with my own two hands.
Ace: So it's manufractured.
Deuce (for ten seconds, at the least): Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That is such a terrible pun!
Ace: And some people think that man in manufacture means made by man. It doesn't. The man comes from the Latin word manus for hand.
Deuce: Ignorant fuckers. And because you dropped the clock, you're a worthless fucker.
Deuce: I dropped it when I was winding it.
Ace: Is it broken?
Deuce: Yes. I broke it with my own two hands.
Ace: So it's manufractured.
Deuce (for ten seconds, at the least): Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That is such a terrible pun!
Ace: And some people think that man in manufacture means made by man. It doesn't. The man comes from the Latin word manus for hand.
Deuce: Ignorant fuckers. And because you dropped the clock, you're a worthless fucker.
Friday, February 26, 2010
The Age Of H
Ace: This is the age of H.
Deuce: What do you mean by that?
Ace: Think of all the things that are prominent that begin with the letter H -- like home, hearth ...
Deuce: And heroin.
Ace: Well, if you insist ... I'm also thinking of haste, house ... and horses.
Deuce: Hobbies.
Ace: And hobbyhorses.
Deuce: Harlequins.
Ace: Hallucinations.
Deuce: Harlots.
Ace: Hector -- guys named that.
Deuce: Holy water.
Ace: And holiness in general.
Deuce: Hops.
Ace: And hoppers.
Deuce: Hyacinths.
Ace: What's that?
Deuce: A flower.
Ace: Heaven.
Deuce: And definitely Hell!
Ace: Horse shoes.
Deuce: And horse shit!
Ace: Huckleberries.
Deuce: Hoplites.
Ace: What's that?
Deuce: Soldiers in ancient Greece.
Ace: Halls.
Deuce: Highways.
Ace: And add to that ... byways.
Deuce: Hobnailed boots.
Ace: Headlights.
Deuce: And highlights.
Ace: You know, I used to date a girl who had big breasts and frosted hair. But she wasn't all that smart. She had headlights and highlights -- but no bright lights.
Deuce: Hypocracy.
Ace: Hope.
Deuce: And hopelessness.
Ace: Hankerchiefs.
Deuce: Holes.
Ace: Holiness.
Deuce: You said that before!
Ace: Sorry.
Deuce: Haberdashers. And haberdasheries.
Ace: History.
Deuce: And horrors -- too often, history is a long list of horrors.
Ace: Habits.
Deuce: Haricots.
Ace: What's that?
Deuce: French for carrots.
Ace: Whores.
Deuce: That word begins with a W.
Ace: Yeah, but it's pronounced with an H.
Deuce: Holidays.
Ace: And holy days.
Deuce: And happy days.
Ace: Heritage
Deuce: You know, if there's a group or organization with heritage or liberty in its name, it's usually some conservative to reactionary operation. Worshiped George W. Bush. HATED Clinton. Not too fond of Obama -- but that's kept under wraps, because mentioning him would unveil their racism.
Ace: Hash.
Deuce: Hot.
Ace: Heat.
Deuce: Hums.
Ace: And humming.
Deuce: You forgot a big one -- HATE!
Ace: What -- no love?
Deuce: Hey -- you're the one who said this is the age of H. I'm just going along with you.
Ace: You're right.
Deuce: Let's stop this now. It's getting degenerate.
Ace: As if it was every generating anything in the first place.
Deuce: What do you mean by that?
Ace: Think of all the things that are prominent that begin with the letter H -- like home, hearth ...
Deuce: And heroin.
Ace: Well, if you insist ... I'm also thinking of haste, house ... and horses.
Deuce: Hobbies.
Ace: And hobbyhorses.
Deuce: Harlequins.
Ace: Hallucinations.
Deuce: Harlots.
Ace: Hector -- guys named that.
Deuce: Holy water.
Ace: And holiness in general.
Deuce: Hops.
Ace: And hoppers.
Deuce: Hyacinths.
Ace: What's that?
Deuce: A flower.
Ace: Heaven.
Deuce: And definitely Hell!
Ace: Horse shoes.
Deuce: And horse shit!
Ace: Huckleberries.
Deuce: Hoplites.
Ace: What's that?
Deuce: Soldiers in ancient Greece.
Ace: Halls.
Deuce: Highways.
Ace: And add to that ... byways.
Deuce: Hobnailed boots.
Ace: Headlights.
Deuce: And highlights.
Ace: You know, I used to date a girl who had big breasts and frosted hair. But she wasn't all that smart. She had headlights and highlights -- but no bright lights.
Deuce: Hypocracy.
Ace: Hope.
Deuce: And hopelessness.
Ace: Hankerchiefs.
Deuce: Holes.
Ace: Holiness.
Deuce: You said that before!
Ace: Sorry.
Deuce: Haberdashers. And haberdasheries.
Ace: History.
Deuce: And horrors -- too often, history is a long list of horrors.
Ace: Habits.
Deuce: Haricots.
Ace: What's that?
Deuce: French for carrots.
Ace: Whores.
Deuce: That word begins with a W.
Ace: Yeah, but it's pronounced with an H.
Deuce: Holidays.
Ace: And holy days.
Deuce: And happy days.
Ace: Heritage
Deuce: You know, if there's a group or organization with heritage or liberty in its name, it's usually some conservative to reactionary operation. Worshiped George W. Bush. HATED Clinton. Not too fond of Obama -- but that's kept under wraps, because mentioning him would unveil their racism.
Ace: Hash.
Deuce: Hot.
Ace: Heat.
Deuce: Hums.
Ace: And humming.
Deuce: You forgot a big one -- HATE!
Ace: What -- no love?
Deuce: Hey -- you're the one who said this is the age of H. I'm just going along with you.
Ace: You're right.
Deuce: Let's stop this now. It's getting degenerate.
Ace: As if it was every generating anything in the first place.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Aliens And Labor
Ace: Hey, Deuce, look over there!
Deuce: I just see some Hispanic guy. What's so special about him?
Ace: I bet he's an illegal alien.
Deuce: I bet he is. By God, they steal our jobs! If it wasn't for them, I'd be mowing my neighbor's yard!
Ace: Or fixing your neighbor's roof!
Deuce: Or busing a table at a restaurant!
(Reworded from a dialog I found on the net.)
Deuce: I just see some Hispanic guy. What's so special about him?
Ace: I bet he's an illegal alien.
Deuce: I bet he is. By God, they steal our jobs! If it wasn't for them, I'd be mowing my neighbor's yard!
Ace: Or fixing your neighbor's roof!
Deuce: Or busing a table at a restaurant!
(Reworded from a dialog I found on the net.)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Reading The Shakes
Ace: You know I never read any plays by Shakespeare before, so I went to the library and took one out.
Deuce: Which one?
Ace: Romeo and Juliet.
Deuce: What did you think about it?
Ace: I wasn't impressed.
Deuce: What? Why not?
Ace: The play was full of cliches.
"But soft -- what light through yonder window breaks?"
"Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"
"A plague on both your houses!"
I've heard them before. That Shakespeare's a damn thief. He stole those quotes from other people, put them in his plays and called it his own work.
Deuce: Shakespeare wrote those lines, idiot. Back in the 1590s.
Ace: So he didn't take those lines from other people, but they took those lines from him?
Deuce: Right.
Ace: Well then -- never mind. Guess the joke's on me.
Deuce: Which one?
Ace: Romeo and Juliet.
Deuce: What did you think about it?
Ace: I wasn't impressed.
Deuce: What? Why not?
Ace: The play was full of cliches.
"But soft -- what light through yonder window breaks?"
"Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"
"A plague on both your houses!"
I've heard them before. That Shakespeare's a damn thief. He stole those quotes from other people, put them in his plays and called it his own work.
Deuce: Shakespeare wrote those lines, idiot. Back in the 1590s.
Ace: So he didn't take those lines from other people, but they took those lines from him?
Deuce: Right.
Ace: Well then -- never mind. Guess the joke's on me.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
A Very Good Reason For Shaving
Ace: I'm shaving.
Deuce: Well, I never would've noticed if you hadn't told me that. And by the way, I don't remember if you ever grew a beard or a mustache before.
Ace: Nah. I'm shaving somewhere else besides my face.
Deuce: Where, by chance?
Ace: My genitals.
Deuce: WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU'RE SHAVING YOUR COCK AND BALLS? OH HELL -- WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT?
Ace: It makes me look bigger in the bedroom.
Deuce: Yeah, it helps you find your goddamn dick when you jack off.
Ace: Hey, what the fuck you mean by that remark?
Deuce: If any one has less luck with the ladies than me, it's you. And you better not have used my razor for that bullshit.
Deuce: Well, I never would've noticed if you hadn't told me that. And by the way, I don't remember if you ever grew a beard or a mustache before.
Ace: Nah. I'm shaving somewhere else besides my face.
Deuce: Where, by chance?
Ace: My genitals.
Deuce: WHAT DID YOU SAY? YOU'RE SHAVING YOUR COCK AND BALLS? OH HELL -- WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THAT?
Ace: It makes me look bigger in the bedroom.
Deuce: Yeah, it helps you find your goddamn dick when you jack off.
Ace: Hey, what the fuck you mean by that remark?
Deuce: If any one has less luck with the ladies than me, it's you. And you better not have used my razor for that bullshit.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
can you top this?
(ace and deuce are arguing. their friend trey is watching them.)
ace: when i was a kid, i used to shovel chicken shit!
deuce: that's nothing. when i was a kid, i used to shovel cow shit!
ace: you think that's bad? when i was a kid, i used to shovel pig shit!
deuce: (calmly) and when i was a kid, i used to shovel human shit.
ace is stunned into silence.
trey: game's over -- we have a winner!
ace: when i was a kid, i used to shovel chicken shit!
deuce: that's nothing. when i was a kid, i used to shovel cow shit!
ace: you think that's bad? when i was a kid, i used to shovel pig shit!
deuce: (calmly) and when i was a kid, i used to shovel human shit.
ace is stunned into silence.
trey: game's over -- we have a winner!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
the pitch
ace: you have a convent and a brothel side by side along the same street. and get this: the madame and the mother superior are sisters.
deuce: which one's the older sister?
ace: i hadn't thought of that.
deuce: it's important. if the older sister is the madame, the younger one reacts to her and becomes a nun, later on, he becomes a mother superior. if the older one's the mother superior, she was probably the favorite of the family. the younger one became a whore to get attention or to make her own destiny.
(pause.)
ace: ya know, that would make one hell of an x-rated movie.
deuce: which one's the older sister?
ace: i hadn't thought of that.
deuce: it's important. if the older sister is the madame, the younger one reacts to her and becomes a nun, later on, he becomes a mother superior. if the older one's the mother superior, she was probably the favorite of the family. the younger one became a whore to get attention or to make her own destiny.
(pause.)
ace: ya know, that would make one hell of an x-rated movie.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
and the snakes should be insulted
ace: hey, i'm gonna have a party!
deuce: great! when? are you gonna invite me?
ace: sure. and it's gonna be next saturday.
deuce: i'll be there.
ace: i'm also gonna invite trey and some of his friends -- like quatro, fiver, and sixx.
deuce: hey -- don't invite trey or any of his friends!
ace: why not?
deuce: because they have the collective morals of a pit full of snakes.
ace: how do you know that?
deuce: my friend sebbin had a party and invited them. first, they drank all the booze. then they hit on all the women there; some of them were so pervy, they hit on the men. after that, they stole all of sebbin's valuables. and worst of all -- they broke into his hidden stash and stole all his good marijuana.
deuce: great! when? are you gonna invite me?
ace: sure. and it's gonna be next saturday.
deuce: i'll be there.
ace: i'm also gonna invite trey and some of his friends -- like quatro, fiver, and sixx.
deuce: hey -- don't invite trey or any of his friends!
ace: why not?
deuce: because they have the collective morals of a pit full of snakes.
ace: how do you know that?
deuce: my friend sebbin had a party and invited them. first, they drank all the booze. then they hit on all the women there; some of them were so pervy, they hit on the men. after that, they stole all of sebbin's valuables. and worst of all -- they broke into his hidden stash and stole all his good marijuana.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
a lot of bad language
ace: i've heard a lot of bad language lately.
deuce: like ain't, we is, seen, and other abominations like that?
ace: no. i mean profanity.
deuce: oh. well, motherfucking a! a lot of that fucking bullshit like that's been going around fucking recently.
deuce: like ain't, we is, seen, and other abominations like that?
ace: no. i mean profanity.
deuce: oh. well, motherfucking a! a lot of that fucking bullshit like that's been going around fucking recently.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
some comments on social relationships
ace: have you heard of the expression to be a good leader, you must be a good follower?
deuce: sure. businesses say that all the time.
ace: well, i've applied it to other social relationships. like: to be a good master, you must be a good slave or to be a good top, you must be a good bottom.
deuce: damn! you're right!
ace: this is the situation i see around me. unfortunately. and it's hard to find relationships between equals. once again, people fail democracy. the thirteenth amendment of the u.s. constitution forbids legal slavery. as for mental slavery, well ... it's too goddamn prevalent!
deuce: what about us?
ace: we're equals. we have to be. we share a home. if we weren't like that, one of us would've tossed the other out -- or would've kept the other locked up in the basement.
deuce: sure. businesses say that all the time.
ace: well, i've applied it to other social relationships. like: to be a good master, you must be a good slave or to be a good top, you must be a good bottom.
deuce: damn! you're right!
ace: this is the situation i see around me. unfortunately. and it's hard to find relationships between equals. once again, people fail democracy. the thirteenth amendment of the u.s. constitution forbids legal slavery. as for mental slavery, well ... it's too goddamn prevalent!
deuce: what about us?
ace: we're equals. we have to be. we share a home. if we weren't like that, one of us would've tossed the other out -- or would've kept the other locked up in the basement.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
holiday talk
ace: 'twas the night before christmas,
and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse ...
because a psychopathic killer broke in
and slaughtered every living creature as they slept.
deuce: nice one, you crazy bastard.
ace: well, too many goddamn people are full of too much goddamn holiday cheer. i thought i would bring them back down to earth.
deuce: and not get their hopes up? or knock them down if they are up? do you do that because your hopes have been shattered too many times into too many pieces too numerous to count? just because you're bitter and broken, don't bring down other people during a time when a lot of people are nicer than usual. and that includes us.
ace: yeah. maybe. ok. but i will say this: during christmas time, retailers see you as a wallet with legs.
deuce: yeah, that's true. but i won't let that get me down. that is their attitude. i have a different one. i'm trying not to let the outside attitudes overly influence me.
ace: there's one thing i like about christmas. it's a time when people don't care if you eat, drink and be merry; especially if they're cross dresser.
deuce: good one.
ace: yeah. i see that you've indulged a bit.
deuce: i'll admit i have a gut. it's not a six pack -- it's more like a pony keg. but at least it's not a 55 gallon drum.
ace: they say the lord helps those who help themselves. and lord knows you're going to take second and third helpings of those holiday goodies -- like gingerbreak cookies, rum cakes, candy canes, and whatever else out there that is sweet and fattening.
and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse ...
because a psychopathic killer broke in
and slaughtered every living creature as they slept.
deuce: nice one, you crazy bastard.
ace: well, too many goddamn people are full of too much goddamn holiday cheer. i thought i would bring them back down to earth.
deuce: and not get their hopes up? or knock them down if they are up? do you do that because your hopes have been shattered too many times into too many pieces too numerous to count? just because you're bitter and broken, don't bring down other people during a time when a lot of people are nicer than usual. and that includes us.
ace: yeah. maybe. ok. but i will say this: during christmas time, retailers see you as a wallet with legs.
deuce: yeah, that's true. but i won't let that get me down. that is their attitude. i have a different one. i'm trying not to let the outside attitudes overly influence me.
ace: there's one thing i like about christmas. it's a time when people don't care if you eat, drink and be merry; especially if they're cross dresser.
deuce: good one.
ace: yeah. i see that you've indulged a bit.
deuce: i'll admit i have a gut. it's not a six pack -- it's more like a pony keg. but at least it's not a 55 gallon drum.
ace: they say the lord helps those who help themselves. and lord knows you're going to take second and third helpings of those holiday goodies -- like gingerbreak cookies, rum cakes, candy canes, and whatever else out there that is sweet and fattening.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
a new word for your vocabulary
ace: i have a new word for the world -- and especially for your -- because i know how much you like them.
deuce: oh, great. well then -- what is it?
ace: angzi.
deuce: what does that mean?
ace: anxious, a state of anxiousness, anxiety or angst. it's a noun that way. it also can be used as an adjective and as a verb.
deuce: please demonstrate.
ace: damn -- that wait for my medical report made me angzied.
deuce: it's better as a noun.
ac: you're right there. but that's one of the glories of the english language -- you can noun verbs and verb nouns.
deuce: HUHN???
ace: think about it.
deuce: okay.
(five seconds pass.)
deuce: okay, i've thought about it. can i think about something else now?
ace: if you want to.
deuce: i've heard of the word angsty. means about the same thing.
ace: right. but angzi -- i made that up myself.
deuce: keep it up. someday, you'll get one that everybody can use.
deuce: oh, great. well then -- what is it?
ace: angzi.
deuce: what does that mean?
ace: anxious, a state of anxiousness, anxiety or angst. it's a noun that way. it also can be used as an adjective and as a verb.
deuce: please demonstrate.
ace: damn -- that wait for my medical report made me angzied.
deuce: it's better as a noun.
ac: you're right there. but that's one of the glories of the english language -- you can noun verbs and verb nouns.
deuce: HUHN???
ace: think about it.
deuce: okay.
(five seconds pass.)
deuce: okay, i've thought about it. can i think about something else now?
ace: if you want to.
deuce: i've heard of the word angsty. means about the same thing.
ace: right. but angzi -- i made that up myself.
deuce: keep it up. someday, you'll get one that everybody can use.
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