The Cake Was Her Idea

Charlie Besser, a mail carrier, was making his rounds on the last day before his retirement. After 35 years on the job, he was ready to move to Florida where he could fish year round.

He had just dropped off the mail at his last house on his route and had turned around to go back to the post office when he heard the door open and a voice say:

"Charlie, wait a minute."

He turned around and saw Sally Smith in the doorway. She was wearing a flimsy robe.

Now, Sally was a good-looking woman. Charlie would've sold his soul to the devil to fuck her -- even to see her naked.

"Yes, Mrs. Smith?" Charlie said.

"Please ... call me Sally. OK?" she said.

"OK."

"I heard that you're retiring from the post office."

"Yep. Today's my last day."

"Wait there, Charlie. I have some things for you."

She went into the house and came back with a cake.

"It's a chocolate marble cake. If I'm right, you told me once that it was your favorite."

"It is, Sally. Thanks."

"I also have something else for you," Sally said and gave him an envelope.

He opened it and found a card wishing him well during his retirement and a $20 bill.

"Thanks for all the gifts," he said.

"Charlie ... I have one more gift for you."

She opened her robe and revealed to Charlie that she was naked underneath it. She put her arms around him, gave him a big French kiss, and began to grind against him.
She then took him by the hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom, where for the rest of the afternoon it was:

RIDE SALLY RIDE!

When they were through, Charlie said to Sally, "I appreciate the cake and the card and the $20, and that hot fuck we had, but ... I wonder why you went through all that for me?"

Sally said, "Last week I was talking to my husband about what to give you for your retirement. He said, 'Fuck the postman. Give him a card with some money in it.'"

She paused, then added:

"But the cake was my idea."

a meeting of beauty and brains

there once was a story that marilyn monroe, who always was trying to improve herself, once sought out albert einstein.

the two of them met one fall evening in the 1950s. as einstein was walking to his home in princeton, new jersey, after he had played violin with some of his colleagues at the institute of advance study, he passed by a park. there, sitting on a bench, was monroe.

"oh, professor einstein, it's a pleasure to meet you!" she said.

"likeways mutually, fraulein monroe," einstein said.

"oh, professor einstein, please call me marilyn."

"hokey dokey, marra-leen. und you may call me albert."

"albert, i have a request."

"vott iss itt, mein schoen?"

"we should get together and make a baby!"

einstein is struck mute with this request. what redblooded heterosexual male wouldn't mind making love with the famed sex symbol? but he gathered his wits and said:

"bott vhy, marra-leen?"

"if we did, the baby could have my beauty and your brains!"

einstein sighed deeply and told her, "ah, marra-leen, mein schoen kinder, it's best vee do not do so. becauss if vee vurr to do so, the beh-bee could haff my beauty und your brains!"
*
that's my version of an old story, told decades ago about george bernard shaw and isadora duncan.

the picture is by quint buchholz. i found it on the net.

the smartest talking dog in the world

forward
most of my life, i've enjoyed a good shaggy dog story. wikipedia has a great explanation of what one is. to read it, click here.

this is my most favorite shaggy dog tale. in the future, i'll post others.

*

a man and a dog walk into a tavern and sit at the bar.

the man says, "bartender, please bring me a beer and a cheeseburger. and as for my dog here, please bring him a halfpound of raw ground beef and a bowl of water."

the bartender says, "look, fella, we don't allow animals in here. the board of health was in here last week and we got written up for health violations. we don't need any more grief."

the man says, "oh, but sir, this not just any old dog. this is a talking dog. and he's as smart and as civilized as any human being. if i prove this to you, will you let him stay?"

the bartender says, "ok. show me. and if it's true, your eats and drinks are on the house."

the man turns to the dog and says, "rover, what is the texture of the bark on a tree?"

the dog says, "rough."

the man says, "rover, what is the name of the thing that is at the top of a building?"

the dog says, "roof."

the man says, "rover, who was the greatest player to wear the pinstripes of the new york yankees?"

the dog says, "ruth."

the bartender is NOT impressed. he grabs the man and the dog by their respective collars and throw them out of the tavern.

the man stands up and brushes the dust off his clothes. the dog shakes himself to get ride of the dust in his coat of hair.

the dog then turns to the man and says, "do you think i should've said dimaggio?"

the man says, "or mantle ... or gehrig ... or jeter ..."