The Book Of Matches...

the book of matches... chapter 7 verses 11-14
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the eagle flies on friday...
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love her loNNNNGGGG-ly... and stroNNNNGGGG-ly...
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a man whose heart is as big as his feet... 15DD...
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we were scrounging around for pennies and nickles and the occasional dimes like rats scrambling through scraps of garbage.
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the football chiefs play in kansas city.
the football cheifs play in kansas cyti.
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you're under the shower nozzle...
you're under the weather...
you're under arrest...
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the nice thing about a constitutional monarchy is that you have all the of the pomp but none of the circumstances.
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fulton... except your fate...
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damn! i've been officially squddified!
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benny penny... 
close enough... 
have a coin... 
or a few... 
use them to 
buy some biscuits... 
and maybe 
some gravy...
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the letters in the alphabet soup spell HOO HOO HOO...
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DUDE... SMOKE SOME OF THIS RIP-YOUR-MIND-UP&OUT&OFF-WEED.
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his idea of paradise was a country with no spiders.
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the arm...
it's groaning...
oh my god!
it's growing...
A LEG!!!
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she told her sister:
"usually in a failing marriage, the sex is the first thing to go. but for us, it's all we have left."

A Strong Man

it takes a strong man to master their asses.in the meantime, how about some grand tetons!
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the elephant is in a funk because it's irrelevant. therefore, call it an irrelephant.
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quohog brought the eggnog while quopeg brought the nutmeg.
*she enters through the back door.she writes seven truths on a wall in the living room.then she leaves through the front door.
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i dont have a problem with caffeine...i have a problem without caffeine...
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many a legal client has wanted a new attorney. it's rarely when an attorney wants a new client...*
spruce up your locomotive love life with four pills a day.
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if nothing else I'd sing for you, of you and...if I'm lucky...to you.
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i love you from the bottom of my deck of cards...
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you don't need a sledgehammer. you debase your own life easily enough without anyone else's help.

thank you. it's nice to know i have fans out there.
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if you're an unsavory character, does that make you sweet?
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go fuck yourself on a stake of stupid.
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your greed is so deep it actually makes me want to sell everything I own and live on the floor.
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you can't silence my love.
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i'm just a holy fool. oh baby! it's so cruel.
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i don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
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i'm sick. i have an excuse for that. would you like to see my doctor’s note or just the prescriptions?
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the sun shines out my ass, but you never bother to look.
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your false teeth and real feet have never felt better.
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big gut, small dick, and terrible personality...yeah baby...i'm totally turned on by you...
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i think i might fall…either in love with her...or out of a tree and into a big bowl of chocolate pudding...don't know why the powers that be say i must choose one or the other...
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it's a sad fact of life, but...the forces of gravity always bring us down.

i disagree. gravity is an illusion. in reality, the world sucks.
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fingers
from those hands
hands
from those arms
arms
from those shoulders
shoulders
from that trunk
trunk
from that body 
singular
in and of and by 
itself
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she left town and was about 5 miles from the state line before anyone knew she was gone.

she took with her scarlet secrets and golden coins in an offwhite gunny sack.
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baby...i'm hot for you...and f80 too...

good sir...i'm not for you...and f80 just ain't for you too...you ought to try f42
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it isn't now or never. it's now or next week.

Highly...But Not Lowly?

Hghly is often used as a synonym for very of plausible. But you never see or hear lowly used as a synonym for not very or implausible.
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When a Victorian lady wanted to get fucked, she would say to a man:

"O love, kindly possess me in the carnal manner, if you please."
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The drinking glass is bipolar; it's either empty or so full it's overflowing.
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I was watching the TV show Cops the other day. I wasn't sure if the episode was filmed in the South during the late 1980s ... or filmed in the South today.
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if truth be told,
then truth be bold ...
or so you hope.
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You're so goddamn stupid because you got brain damage from sticking your head up your ass!
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Meanwhile in the back woods, a brown bear wanders...it's either 10 feet tall or 10 feet long...depending on if he's vertical or horizontal...and weighs 1,500 pounds...that doesn't depend on if he's vertical or horizontal...
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I bent down the smell the flowers ... and got a kiss from a rose at the tip of my nose.
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It ain't love if you're charging for it, baby.
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During the early 1980s, the Reagan administration's economic policies were described as trickle down, but not flow down. I wonder why.
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it's strange how a couple who's vocal while sexing can often sound like either he or she or both of them are getting tortured or killed: especially if the woman doesn't lie there like a sack of potato flour.
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The weight of the injustice in this world can crush your soul to the size of a pea.
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"Did someone say chicken pot pie?" the stoner asked. "Woah, dude, those are three of my most favorite things."
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He liked his women the way he liked his kiwi fruit: firm yet yielding, sweet yet tart, and with short, fuzzy brown hair.
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She was the snotty member of a snobby sorority. She and her "sisters" were impossibly tall, impossibly lean, and impossibly blonde.
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O well that's done ... so put a spork in it ...
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NOTE: I'm revamping the format of jottings. I'm deleting sentence fragments and individual words from the posts, but leaving complete sentences. I plan to do this as an ongoing project for all the jottings posts.

See The Sea

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Two Types Of Hands

The hand that rocks the cradle...is oftentimes the mother of...the hand that aims the gun.
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I have 300 feet of love! And all for you, baby!
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My exwife, Monica, unfortunately, has become the demon bitch DeMonica.
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When I wake in the middle of the night, I feel so 330ish.
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My marriage is sacred...but my honeymoon was profane! Ask my wife...
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Miller's College of Barbering and Bible College...next to the Motel Indiana...on Route 57 three miles north of town...its motto: Shaving Chins and Saving Souls...
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3.14 = pi. Backwards, it's pI.E...
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Racism is ego masturbation.
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"Remember this. The Italians invented pizza, but the Americans invented pineapple pizza."
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I am of cowboy
So pew-pew-pew
To you-you-you...
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See those two jackasses? They're twin turds dropped from different assholes...
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When someone said Mongol hordes, he heard it as mongrel whores.
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I have a five-fingered love for you.

A Strong Criminal Outlook

He has such a strong criminal outlook that he'd break the law of physics if he could.
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Now 666 is the mark of the devil.
And 333 is half of 666.
Therefore, 333 is only half as evil.
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"Hey -- Dave just got knifed!"
"That's forking terrible!"
"Hey -- that's too spoon!"
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You can
Make a living
By successfully
Dying.
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Penn State? How about Poon State?
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Some like it hot.
Some like me hot.
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"I didn't shoot him. He walked into the path of a bullet."
"Just one bullet? How about 20 of them?"
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Play with fire? Pay with pain.
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We don't see things as they are.
We see things as we are.
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A humane humanitarianism.
The opposite is an inhumane inhumanitarianism.
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Step aside and let me fail on my own.
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Drinking vermouth
On the campus
Of Dartmouth ...
College, that is ...
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"We're using the law to keep justice away."
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Don't follow your dreams. Follow the drums.
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Let me tell you a story
About my time in Purgatory ...
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Step aside and watch me self destruct.
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Your pride, your soul, your worth as your dinner -- it's a bitter food to eat.
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A touch of gray.
Guess who has it?
Yep -- F.J.
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Would you like a martini
As the whole world burns?
Or rather, instead,
A bullet through your head?
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Fu -- fu -- fu --
FUDGE!
And lots of it, too!
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Corn flakes and cognac is the true breakfast of champions.
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"If you think you hate me, just think about the hatred I feel for myself -- and how strong that can be."
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Is there any ketchup around here? I can't sell out without ketchup.
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Morte de jour is French for death of the day.
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It's part of the pornography that falls on our lives like dirty cold rain.
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A circle jerk? Why, that's nothing more than a bunch of guys giving each other a helping hand.
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A dry T-shirt contest? Is some church putting it on?
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I put the stud in student. So holla for a schola'.
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Music: What emotions sound like.
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"Think of that when your roasting in the dungeon of fire!"
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"Hey, B! At night, you used to come out of your closet like a bat coming out of a cave . Why haven't you done it lately? You got a new girlfriend to impress?"
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There is a reckoning, in the future, for us all ...

O Brown Owl

O brown owl,
You wise fowl,
It annoys me when you say
LOWL!
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Short answer: No.
Long answer: Hell no!
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And 10 to 20 more,
Maybe 30 --
Jeez, I don't know how many.
I didn't count them.
I didn't know it was important to you.
But there were a lot of them.
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Turn on ... tune in ... take over!
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Is the revolution on your side?
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There's a sequel coming out for the movie 2001. It's going to be titled 4002 -- because the producers promised it would be twice as good.
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Cry.
Fly.
Die.
O my!
No pie?
No corned beef or ham and cheese
On rye?
Tell me differently, and I know
you lie!
When you lie, you sin,
and when you die
you'll go to Hell, where
you'll fry!
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I feel a major fetish coming on ...
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He hated his life, and his yearning for death was as strong as love.
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What's up?
What's down?
What's going around?
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"You're one sick, sad fuck, Frank. And you're fat, too."
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Is that a requirement ... or just ... a suggestion?
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Go big or go home.
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Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

The Dark Seas Of Indiana

--I have sailed the dark seas of Indiana.
--But Indiana has no seas.
--That's what you think.
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Loads of conversations? Why not say conversating?
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The Love Army's Battle Orders:
Present cocks!
Forward ... fuck!
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He's so claustrophobic and homophobic that his worst nightmare is being in the closet with Elton John, with no key available.
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Open mouth.
Insert foot.
Then shoot foot.
A double fuck-up.
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Is it Canadian teens smoke the most pot or most Canadian teens smoke pot?
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Never enough arms
Available
To hold you
To hold all the people I love
To do all the work that must be done
To do all the work you could get done during the next three days
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Is he an alien from another planet ... or a mutant from the sewers of Earth?
Or a mutant alien from the sewers of another planet?
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After the rooftop has fallen
And the walls have collapsed to the ground,
The ruins -- the wood, the stones, the metal bits --
Are they weighed by the ounce or the pound?
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A big -- no, huge --
steaming loaf of
freshly cooked
ground beef,
with strips of cheese
and bacon atop
and onion bits in it --
hot, tasty and ready to eat.
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All of us come from some place. But some of us come from west of someplace, out there, beyond the notice and attention of most people. Out there where the buses don't run.

Harold came from a place like that.
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It's
all about
gettin' paid
and
gettin' laid --
gettin' made
in the sun
or the shade --
not to fade
not to trade
not to be slayed
by some mook
with a blade.

Buying The Farm

A man who's been killed has bought the farm.
The man who kills him helps with the down payment.
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The sexual tension between them was so thin that you could cut it with a butterfly wing.
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You could say a lot of things about me, but not if you're mute.
You could hear a lot of things about me, but not if you're deaf.
You could see a lot of things about me, but not if you're blind.
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Not the ghost of the recent past, but the ghost of ... oh, say ... five years ago? Or maybe earlier than that.
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He wasn't burned by the fire, but the smell that came from him was definitely of its smoke.
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"The plains of Kansas? Hell, when I drove through it, it was all one big plain."
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It was as worthless to me as shoes to a mermaid.
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The woman was a two-buck whore, and all I had was a dollar ninety-five.
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If you can't be
With the one you hate,
Asshole,
Hate the one you're with.
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Go to
And get with
Your outside woman
For some good time
Good old
Outdoor lovin'.
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It isn't the B team. It's more like the Z-minus team.
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If it's Mojo Mother, is it Bojo Brother or Brojo Brother?
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"My ex-boyfriend? He's my ox-boyfriend."
"Why do you call him that?"
"Because he's as dumb as one."

Company Man

Company man is a contradiction ... like virgin whore ...
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Fat.
So?
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This idea came to me in a dream: Jason Alexander is James Gandolfini's Mini-Me.
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Troglodikes are lesbians who look like cavewomen.
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When she grinned, it was a grimace, as if she was either struggling with a bowel movement or being forced by some power to do some violation of and to her body and soul.
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"They've set the universe on fire!"
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The college fraternity was 25 to 30 boozer business majors and five sober pre-law majors -- the future rulers of the ruling class.
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She swings her hips, enticing the men. She's like a bitch in heat. Such a slut, but a lovable slut. She would tease, but always would please.
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"There are no innocent bystanders -- just people who aren't involved as of now."

"Even the innocent? Even babies?"

"Yes, even them. They're just on the sidelines and not ready to get into the game yet."
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After X, the sour old bitch, had died, I didn't mourn the end of her life but that she lived it poorly. I was relieved that she was dead; she could no longer spread her terrible attitude throughout the atmosphere like a cloud of poisonous gas.
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Life goes off ... the tracks ... or to the side ...
Also ...
Life goes on ... or comes off ...

Liquorature

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The Mink Stole

Yesterday, I posted some jottings. Today, I'll do the same. I usually don't post them so close together in this blog, but I found several of them in some old notebooks yesterday and I want to post them now to get them off my mind and out of the way.
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I stole the mink stole
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Tomorrow seems forever far away.
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Is the Manchurian candidate's mustache a Fu Manchu?
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A redneck from the South
Has few teeth in his mouth.
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Instead of the black sheep of the family, he was its blacksmith
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"That movie is so family friendly that any child could take his or her parents to see it."
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Spuds 4
Every 1
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The king is gone but he's not a dud.
This is the story of Johnny Spud.
It's better to burn out that be mashed away
Bake, bake and fry.
(All apologies to Neil Young.)
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Richard The Hampster-Hearted was not the bravest boy in the bunch.
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I laughed, I cried -- I birthed quintuplet daughters
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Here's the hanky. Where's the panky?
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For the bored student at the end of the school days, hope springs when the bell rings.

A Mutato

A mutato is another name for a mutant potato.
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"Didn't go out the other day. Stayed home with a sick friend. Me."
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Little did he know of the little he did know.
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"On Pearl Harbor Day, sadly enough, there is no Japanese lady who would blow the hell out of me."
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Le Bimbeau and Les Bimbeaux are descriptions of the ignorant in dog French.
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Crosstown Ladies, Midtown Wives: Sounds like the title of a Jackie Collins novel.
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Things inevitable in winter: Death, television, snow.
Things inevitable in spring: Death, taxes, tax dodging.
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The children in a family of idiots were named Dizzy, Daffy, Dopey, Dummy ... and Zaccariah.
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Thus sayeth X, in the manner of the King James Bible:
I am vengeful upon mine enemies, which are legion upon this earth, alas.
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I have
the deep dark
blues
tonight
from drinking
too much
booze
tonight.
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A old man wonders:
When was the last time I had an erection? Or a hard stool? Or both during the same day?
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Outer space --
it's a
far-out place!
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Rufus
is not a doofus.
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The snow was a shallow cover on the ground. The grass poked through it. The cars were covered lightly. The streets were wet, not slick, as if rain fell during the night.
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You have a fuck off, but never a fuck on.
You have a fuck up, but never a fuck down.
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"I call that state O-sigh-O."

"Why?"

"You'd sigh, too, if you'd think about it. And also if you once lived there."
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The homosexual vampire says, "I want to suck your cock."
The perverted vampire says, "I want to fuck your blood."

Life ... Too Much Of It ...

Life ...
too much of it
is
fucked-up people
fucking over
other fucked-up people
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Clowns without greasepaint walk the streets in life outside the circus tent.

Too many people are like that.

Especially me.
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He was the type of strongly hard-core and slightly paranoid conservative who thought The Weather Channel was part of the liberal media.
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Anita wore white to show her innocence.
She wore blue to show her experience.
She wore red to show her desire.
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Anarchies
are abounding.

Circles
are rotating.

It's later
Than you think.
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Outer space; it's a far-out place!
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Motel Indiana ... on Route 57, three miles north of town, next to Miller's Bible College and Barber School.
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Grow the fuck up, you fuck up!
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Jess, Bess, Tess ... I tell you all, it's just a mess!
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What takes money for sex and swims upstream?
A prostitrout.
(Groans.)
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They act more American that George Washington eating an apple pie (with his wooden teeth, of course) during a baseball game on the Fourth of July.
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This whore
Is for
Rent or sale.
Your choice,
Big Daddy.
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There's Ernesto and his goddamn entourage. They couldn't do anything without making a big production of it.

And there were two girls in it. When they talked, they sounded like goddamn ducks.
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Pain stopped by and wanted a minute of your time.
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The couple's power dynamics were top dog and bottom bitch.
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Finger fucking a slut in both holes is finger fucking good!
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The adult movie is
XXX-ploding onto the movie screen!
YYY, you say?
Because we can.
NY not?
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The instigator's main pleasure was making dreams go false instead of come true.

Jack And Jill, With Other Jottings

If a man can do a lot of things, he's called a jack of all trades. But if a woman can do a lot of things, she's rarely called a jill of all trades.
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If male stormtroopers wear jackboots, do female stormtroopers wear jillboots?
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You often tell an ignorant man, "You don't know jack!" But you don't tell an ignorant woman, "You don't know jill!"
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Men go jacking around, but women don't go jilling around.
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Men do -- and often are -- jackoffs.
But if women do the same things, are they jilloffs?
*
*
If you want to know if a man is an optimist or a pessimist, show him a picture of a woman in a bikini. If he says she's half naked, he's an optimist. But if she says she half dressed, he's a pessimist.
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Success, according to some real estate agents, can be said -- location, location, location.
Another way to say it is -- Caucasian, Caucasian, Caucasian.
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Will your friend find a smile in the 25th aisle?
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"I won't kiss a man's ass to get in good with him ... it's too unsanitary ... instead, I'd rather bribe him ..."
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A mind scrubbing is trying to remove a horrible image from your mind.
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When he was younger, he had imaginary friends. He has them now, but the psychologists call them hallucinations.
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What did the Jewish Mexican man say when he was surprised?
"Oy! Caramba!"
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They were a couple of small spuds in the big, big potato patch of the world.
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"That band -- The Frey -- they sound like the bastard spawn of John Mayer and Coldplay."
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A person who thought Tuesday got its name because it was the second day of the week ...
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While some jobs pay peanuts, some pay worse. They pay peanut shells.
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When you're with a black man, when something goes wrong, or you get caught doing something sneaky -- please don't way the jig is up.
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Anger and
Anarchy
Arises
From a heart
That's broken
And blue.
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Some people think life's going to be easy -- that they can pay their dues with a credit card.
*
People die from complications, but not from simplifications.
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The philosopher's cousin asked him if he believed in free will. He said he did because he had no choice.
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Anna Maria Warshowski, a native of Krakow, danced at what's often called a gentleman's club. Therefore, she was a Polish stripper using a stripper pole.
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He was the type of man who had performance anxiety when he masturbated ...
*
A friend used to play the guitar. When he's with that woman, he plays the fool.

Some White-collar People

Some white-collar people are just as ignorant and belligerant about it as some blue-collar people. They just have a better polish.
*
You could say a lot of things about me, but not if you're mute.
*
"Smothered in mushrooms."
"Smothered in onions -- and big tits!"
"Big, sweet tits!"
"You got that right!"
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I got in touch with my feminine side. She slapped me and took out a restraining order.
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A guy once said to a gal, "Hey, let's do 68. You blow me and I own you one."
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You've heard of the race card.
Then there's the race royal flush.
That's the ace, king, queen, jack and 10 ...
of spades, of course.
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Some people can take the heat, but the folks in Minnesota and the Dakotas during the winter take the cold.
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Will it be tough love but soft or easy hate?
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Seven
stunning
nude girls
sunning
on the flat roof
of an apartment
building
as they talk
about
their love lives ...
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There are vanity plates, but never narcissism plates.

And there aren't any selfdepreciation plates for people with low selfesteem.
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The Three B League -- the breasts, the buns and the bagina.

That's for vagina. I'm using poetic license, and there's no way it can ever be revoked.

The three B League is also known as the boobs, the butt and the bush.
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As you know, it often rains cats and dogs -- but never, say, badgers and wolverines, or elephants and hippos.
*
Can a person be a hypocritical liar and lying hypocrite at the same time?
*
A Dutchman once put his finger into a dyke.
She didn't like it.
She preferred that it be done by a Dutch woman.
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There's the line of fire.
There's also the ring of fire.
But you never hear about the rectangle of fire.
Or the isosceles triangle of fire.
*
There's malice aforethought -- but not malice aneightthought -- that's twice as bad.
*
If opinions are like assholes, and we all have one, then what about those folks who've had colostomies?
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Never ask an OBGYN 'twat's new.
*
A woman once said, "I've been called a cunt before, but it was always by some prick."
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Is a bear catholic?
Does the pope shit in the woods?
A broken clock at least can find one truffle.
And a blind pig is right at least twice a day.

Carpe Carnum

Carpe carnum is Latin for seize the meat.
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It's all fun and games until someone brings out the firearms.
*
It's interesting how young poets think about death while old poets think about girls.
--Bohumil Hrabel, Czech poet.
*
A new word I heard is vulturing; it's waiting for your parents to die so you can get your inheritense.
*
He wasn't reading the book. He was moving his eyesight over the text on a page. Also, he just wasn't understanding what was written, although he tried.
*
If it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all ...then is it better to have children and then neglect them than not to have had children at all?

I ask that especially about a lot of fathers.
*
I've never seen the word ensue, which means strive to attain, used except in the phrase hilarity ensues. I don't know why. I don't know if I want to find out why.
*
I had some Canadian Mist.
I mixed it with some Canadian Club.
And with it I ate a Canadian bacon sandwich on the side.
I also had some maple syrup.
Then I watched a hockey game.
Truly True North, eh?
*
O Canada ... by the way ... why are your people so polite ... and your geese so rude?

If You're A Mofo

If you're a mofo, you love your mother -- but in the wrong way.
*
If there's a near riot close to you, get away from it as far as you can.
*
The lacerations of failure, of frustrations, and their deputies were on and in her face.
*
She was one of those women who was a sorority sister at a second-rate of third-rate college -- a teachers' college that tried to dignify itself by adding the word university to its hame.

He wonder if she was naturally ignorant and stupid, or if alcohol and tanning sessions had affected her brain.
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A new word I heard lately is confusement. I think it's self explanatory.
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Love was the word that defined and dignified his desire.
*
He made a mad dash to the door.

That's opposed to a sane dash, which is another name for a brisk walk.
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I said to Actress X: "You're always willing to get naked, and I'm always willing to watch."
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Put that bitch's body on a platform, make sure it's 10 feet off the ground, and let the buzzards feast on it.
*
A band plays instruments. A group just sings.

So the phrase "boy band" is wrong, wrong, wrong!

Besides, you never hear of a marching group.
*
Lust, for the male, is the only visible deadly sin because of the erect penis. It can be flaccid during the other ones.
*
My friends drug me to what they called a gentlemen's club and what I called a titty bar.

While I was there, I saw a stripper who was so fuggly, I dressed her with my eyes.
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He once told a woman: "Shut your fucking mouth and close your fucking legs, bitch. No one wants to see your open holes."
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What is the cutoff age when kids stop being brats and start being punks?
*
Meltage: The state of melting ice or snow.
*
Cootage: The state of having cooties.
*
The movie was bad. It wasn't released countrywide. More likely, it escaped.
*
I don't date a crazy woman because I don't want to be a supporting actor in her psychodrama.
*
I once owned an old T-shirt that's a few washings away from falling apart.

It wasn't on its last legs. It was on its last arms.

So I cut it up to use as rags.
*
When he was a teenager in the early 1970s, a lot of his classmates left school at lunch time to smoke marijuana.

They were definitely putting the HIGH in high school.

mockingbird blues

from the top of his head
to the tip of his shoes,
he's got those
horrible terrible
mockingbird blues.
*
a pbs station had a funding drive.

the station's manager came on and says: "hey -- i upped my pledge to pbs. now up yours!"
*
sapphistry: sophistry to explain or justify lesbianism.
*
immigrants love their old country like a parent, but they love their new country like a spouse.
*
i say no to drugs.
i keep saying it, too.
but the drugs just won't listen.
*
they didn't fall in love. it was more like they fell into lust.
and from that, they fell into bed.
*
crystaline thinking --
alcoholic drinking --
your life, lost -- sinking --
a terrible thing.
*
instead of human beings, call them hume beans or hume bings.
*
when someone mentions the huddled masses yearning to be free, does that include the africans that came over on the slave ships?
*
the black dude was tired of white kids acting all gangsta and shit, going around saying "yo yo -- represent!" the only white people he wanted to represent him was his attorney or his congressman.

some funny bits

while i was going through my old notes and old journals, i found some short jokes.

most of them i found elsewhere -- in books or magazines, on the net, or someone told me.

i present them for your amusement.
*
*
religious differences
jews do not recognize jesus as the messiah.
protestants do not recognize the pope as their spiritual leader.
baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores or strip clubs.
*
black guys have more fun, because they invented afro-disiacs.
*
every calendar's days are numbered.
*
most men are nothing but overgrown boys.
the only things different? the types of their toys.
*
in the past, many weddings were called "shotgun weddings." they took place because the bride was pregnant and her father made the man marry her.

it was a case of wife or death.
*
if you get a hangover from drinking wine, you're suffering the wrath of grapes.
*
the definition of foreploy:
any line of bullshit you use about yourself so you can get laid.
*
beelzebug is when the devil takes the form of an insect that you just can't get rid of.
*
too much money is tainted -- 'tain't yours, 'taint mine.
*
rheinstein's theory of sexual physics:
the angle of the dangle
divided by the square of the hair
times the cube of the tube
equals the heat of the meat.
*
an ignoranus is a person who is both stupid and an asshole.
*
the movie had its moments -- especially the moment it was over.
*
does the name pavlov ring a bell?
*
that man was so rich that he bought his dog a boy to play with.
*
reintarnation is when, as punishment for your sins, you come back to earth as a hillbilly.
*
a guy once said to a gal: "let's do 68. you blow me and i'll owe you one."
*
what's 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ... ?
bo derek getting older.
*
the best advice i ever received about sex is this:
condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.