After Thoughts About The Fourth

Since yesterday was the Fourth of July, I was halfway tempted to post, at my true name's Facebook page, the following thought:

If the War of Independence had failed, then Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Hamilton, Madison, and other Founding Fathers would've been hung as traitors to the Crown, while Franklin would've lived out the rest of his life in France, chasing les dames.

I also would've posted this: 

If you support the current establishment, then please don't celebrate Independence Day, because if you had been alive in 1776, you would've supported the Brits.

But I didn't do either. I didn't want to read any shit from anyone like what do you mean by that? what's wrong with you? and any other comments that would've been of fear, anger, incomprehension, and resistance.

I have about 230 "friends" on my Facebook page. Many of them are people I knew in high school, and I graduated in 1972. Many of them are good people, but they just don't have a lot of imagination or the ability to see things differently.

Saying the Founding Fathers would've been hung if the British had won the War of Independence would throw many of them for a loop, because history didn't happen that way -- the way the Lord intended. 

And top dogs don't realized that whatever the system, they would've tried to be top dogs: A constitutional monarchy, a tyranny, or a representative democracy.

I've thought that, and I'm goddamm tired of people treating me like some heinous criminal like Jerry Sandusky because of my thoughts. What I think it not illegal. Although to some people, you can break the law for some things if you follow and conform to the social norms. That's the main point I got from Camus' The Stranger.

Those two groups are two large reasons why I despise American society, and try to have as little to do with it as I can. 
Well, enough of this rant for now. However, I have two unrelated things to add:

Besides my Facebook "friends" from high school, from which I graduated in 1972, others are stand-up comedians I got to know between 2005 and 2008, when I starting going to open mikes in the Indianapolis area. Between those 33 years, I went to college and worked at several jobs. I am not a Facebook "friend" to anyone I've met during that time. (They haven't approached me, and, to be honest, I haven't approached them because I don't spend all that much time on it and some of those people are NOT worth a Facebook "friendship.")

And Jerry Sandusky was the former defensive co-ordinator for the Penn State football team who was convicted last month of 40-plus counts of sexually abusing underage boys.

It seems as if the powers that be at Penn State knew of this but didn't act on it.

If Sandusky had been caught sexing a Penn State football player, of legal age and in a consensual act, I wonder how soon he would've been fired and kicked out town if not Pennsylvania.

One Big Mistake

One big mistake I've made in my life is having a lack of courage, or acting like a coward, especially at work.

I have put up with idiots and the idiotic situations that theymade. I can only think of a handful of bosses who i respected as superiors. The rest were idiots who weren't better than me; they were just higher up on an organizational ladder. After I left, those bosses and their organizations were worth only my scorn.

As I look back, many people take silence as approval and acceptance. Unfortunately.

I blame myself. I never had the courage to get away from one thing I wanted: Approval of my father, who ran from confrontational situations and never...never...taught me...or even urged me...to stand up for myself.

The reason is that he never stood up for himself. His mother psychologically castrated him: Cut out his backbone, guts and balls. That's why I despise the bitch.

Meanwhile, his father was distant and didn't get emotionally involved with my father's raising.

I know the word cunt is the deepest insult for a woman...much like nigger is for black...but my paternal grandmother is the one woman who I would call cunt.

That's about it for this post. More self revelations to come.

An Admission And A New Direction

When I read and think about yesterday's post, I was surprised at how direct it was for me and what I've posted in this blog. Direct because I said there were some women who I just wanted to fuck with no concern for their wants and needs.

One was a Jewish woman with whom I worked at at newspaper in the Midwest. She admitted she was a J.A.P. -- a Jewish-American Princess. Yes, I know it's an ethnic slur, but she called herself that. Also, a J.A.P. is the Jewish version of the gentile Suzy Sorority. I despised her, yet she was one of the few women who worked at that newspaper who I wanted to fuck. That olive skin, that black hair, that Roman nose...damn, if I were decades younger I'd get an erection and masturbate -- or I could say get a hardon and jack off.

Yes, I am an angry, bitter, cynical, depressed and despairing middle-aged man. I have no lover in my life. I have few friends. I'm close only to one relative: My younger brother. I've given up on most of central Indiana, this state and the Midwest. I think it's conventional, conformist and conservative for the worst reasons: fear of change in general. Therefore, I'm a bit of a recluse because I find it hard to tolerate dealing with most people and don't know how to reject them or put them off without telling them to fuck themselves in all their holes.

I'm semi-retired, or haven't worked for at least three years, I'll admit that much. For now. Never did find a job that paid well enough or a career that satisfied me. If I had to do it all over again, I would've taken a civil service job with the federal government, put in at least 20 years and go from there. But it's too late for that. Or so I think and feel. I've inherited some money from my parents' estate and can live off it for a while.

Those are some of the details that I haven't written before. More will be coming. I guess it comes from the thaw we're having; two weeks ago, central Indiana had a terrible ice storm that shut down things for at least two days. and the desire for a new leaf...a green leaf...which is appropriate because spring will be here in about a month.

So...watch this space.

Valentine Notes

Today is St. Valentine's Day, a day to show your love to your lover, or whatever you and society call him or her.

I decided today to make a list of the women I wanted to fuck. Love, or at the least affection, I felt for some of them. But mostly it was lust: The desire to put my penis deep inside their vaginas for my sexual satisfaction. If they were satisfied, that was up to them.

I decided to do this because I'm an angry, cynical, depressed and despairing man these days. Also, I don't have a girlfriend or lover or wife who might be pissed off at my list.

Most of them I didn't fuck because of circumstances. Two big ones were their involvement with others and my cowardice to make a move.

I included women who were costudents in high school and college, some coworkers, some I knew outside those two areas, movie actress and porn stars.

I came up with between 45-50 names off the top of my head. That's much less than the 72 virgins that militant Moslem suicide bombers are promised when they enter Paradise. The list was longer when I made it before.

I won't name the women I knew out of courtesy to and respect for them. I won't name any movie actress or porn stars out of courtesy to and respect for me.

And as I thought of Valentine's Dayespecially its commercialization, I also thought of the people who complain about it but give in to social pressures to follow it and do nothing about resisting it.

No wonder this country will never have a broadbased revolution to change society. If people won't resist the commercialization of a minor holiday (few people, if any, automatically got today off work) because of what other people would think of them if they didn't go along with social expectations...well fuck them. They deserve the shit this life has to offer them.

To call these people pussies to insult good cats and good vaginas. Instead, call them by their rightful name:

COWARDS.

If you readers have someone in your life, I truly hope you and them had a happy Valentine's Day. I also hope you do all you can to keep having good Valentine's Days in the future.

They're So Much Better

The geezers -- old and bitter in soul, if not in years -- talk about celebrities and hippies and other people living irresponsible lives -- especially single black teenage girls who have children -- and they always say: "I live a much better life and no one recognizes me for doing that."

Break up this pity party.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE A GOOD LIFE, YOU GODDAMN SMALL TOWN, SMALL-MINDED FOOLS!

What do you want for your efforts? A cookie? The Presidential Medal of Freedom?

(By the way, that's the highest civilian award given by the U.S. government.)

I guess if you get no recognition from others, it's not enough.

Hey -- God will reward you for living a good life. But tat will be in heaven, not on earth. He's in charge of divine justice.

You know God. Your minister, at that church you attend every Sunday, talks about him a lot.

You might remember that if you went to church for the right reasons: To praise God and thank him for your life, instead of going there to make business connections, or to meet a better class of people to possibly improve your business, or because your family has belongs to that church for several generations and you don't see any reason to change.

If I remember correctly, your church says Jesus is the Messiah.

And if I remember my Sunday School Bible lessons, Jesus spoke with scorn about people like you. He called them Pharisees.

Jesus came for the outcasts, not for self-righteous jackasses like you.

Now I'm not a Christian. I don't believe that Jesus was the Messiah. But I won't get into theological discussions now.

But I know that I was a Christian, and there is a brotherhood in Christ, I will skip as many of those family reunions as I can.