Tuesday, February 15, 2011

An Admission And A New Direction

When I read and think about yesterday's post, I was surprised at how direct it was for me and what I've posted in this blog. Direct because I said there were some women who I just wanted to fuck with no concern for their wants and needs.

One was a Jewish woman with whom I worked at at newspaper in the Midwest. She admitted she was a J.A.P. -- a Jewish-American Princess. Yes, I know it's an ethnic slur, but she called herself that. Also, a J.A.P. is the Jewish version of the gentile Suzy Sorority. I despised her, yet she was one of the few women who worked at that newspaper who I wanted to fuck. That olive skin, that black hair, that Roman nose...damn, if I were decades younger I'd get an erection and masturbate -- or I could say get a hardon and jack off.

Yes, I am an angry, bitter, cynical, depressed and despairing middle-aged man. I have no lover in my life. I have few friends. I'm close only to one relative: My younger brother. I've given up on most of central Indiana, this state and the Midwest. I think it's conventional, conformist and conservative for the worst reasons: fear of change in general. Therefore, I'm a bit of a recluse because I find it hard to tolerate dealing with most people and don't know how to reject them or put them off without telling them to fuck themselves in all their holes.

I'm semi-retired, or haven't worked for at least three years, I'll admit that much. For now. Never did find a job that paid well enough or a career that satisfied me. If I had to do it all over again, I would've taken a civil service job with the federal government, put in at least 20 years and go from there. But it's too late for that. Or so I think and feel. I've inherited some money from my parents' estate and can live off it for a while.

Those are some of the details that I haven't written before. More will be coming. I guess it comes from the thaw we're having; two weeks ago, central Indiana had a terrible ice storm that shut down things for at least two days. and the desire for a new leaf...a green leaf...which is appropriate because spring will be here in about a month.

So...watch this space.

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