Jack And Jill, With Other Jottings

If a man can do a lot of things, he's called a jack of all trades. But if a woman can do a lot of things, she's rarely called a jill of all trades.
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If male stormtroopers wear jackboots, do female stormtroopers wear jillboots?
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You often tell an ignorant man, "You don't know jack!" But you don't tell an ignorant woman, "You don't know jill!"
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Men go jacking around, but women don't go jilling around.
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Men do -- and often are -- jackoffs.
But if women do the same things, are they jilloffs?
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If you want to know if a man is an optimist or a pessimist, show him a picture of a woman in a bikini. If he says she's half naked, he's an optimist. But if she says she half dressed, he's a pessimist.
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Success, according to some real estate agents, can be said -- location, location, location.
Another way to say it is -- Caucasian, Caucasian, Caucasian.
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Will your friend find a smile in the 25th aisle?
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"I won't kiss a man's ass to get in good with him ... it's too unsanitary ... instead, I'd rather bribe him ..."
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A mind scrubbing is trying to remove a horrible image from your mind.
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When he was younger, he had imaginary friends. He has them now, but the psychologists call them hallucinations.
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What did the Jewish Mexican man say when he was surprised?
"Oy! Caramba!"
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They were a couple of small spuds in the big, big potato patch of the world.
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"That band -- The Frey -- they sound like the bastard spawn of John Mayer and Coldplay."
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A person who thought Tuesday got its name because it was the second day of the week ...
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While some jobs pay peanuts, some pay worse. They pay peanut shells.
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When you're with a black man, when something goes wrong, or you get caught doing something sneaky -- please don't way the jig is up.
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Anger and
Anarchy
Arises
From a heart
That's broken
And blue.
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Some people think life's going to be easy -- that they can pay their dues with a credit card.
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People die from complications, but not from simplifications.
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The philosopher's cousin asked him if he believed in free will. He said he did because he had no choice.
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Anna Maria Warshowski, a native of Krakow, danced at what's often called a gentleman's club. Therefore, she was a Polish stripper using a stripper pole.
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He was the type of man who had performance anxiety when he masturbated ...
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A friend used to play the guitar. When he's with that woman, he plays the fool.