About The Ladies

Ace: Hey, do you want to hear something?

Deuce: What?

Ace: The sound of someone spitting up -- PL-PL-PL-PL-FEW!

Deuce: Jesus, you fucking idiot! Watch it!

Ace: At least I didn't spit anything up and out and onto the floor.

Deuce: Shit like that is why you're a loser with the ladies. Remember that girl you told me about? You took her out on a date last month. How did that go, anyway?

Ace: Not so well. She had sensuously plump lips, beautiful enough to kiss. And I wanted to do that slowly and for a long, long time. But she wouldn't let me. She said, "You don't know me." I said, "You won't let me know you. Why not?"

Deuce: You said that on the first date?

Ace: Yep.

Deuce: Too soon, Lothario.

Ace: But if she had let herself know me, she would've found out that I'm sensitive. I notice the lightness of cotton candy, butterfly wings, and the hopes and dreams of all small children. And I also noticed that the sky sometimes is not pearl gray, but a pastel gray. A lot of people don't see that; they think pastel colors are in blue or pink. But I see it.

Deuce: Oh well ... her loss ... I guess.

Ace: You guess so. I know so.

Deuce: You miss Dee, don't you?

Ace: A great woman.

Deuce: She hung around for a while. I guess she could tolerate you.

Ace: She dug it when I said, "Dog me, dog my love."

Deuce: Your dog?

Ace: Yeah -- the mad dog on the night train.

Deuce: If I remember rightly, your love life was pretty good.

Ace: Yeah. I once asked her, "Let's take a trip to the dark side, and I'll be your tour guide." Another time, I said, "Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

Deuce: Damn. She was pretty open.

Ace: Yeah.

Deuce: O well ... things change.

Ace: I remember one time when we were sitting side by side on a couch, watching a movie with Cameron Diaz in it. Our arms were touching. We turned to each other at the same time and started French kissing -- pretty hot and heavy. I knew I could fuck her. I started to take off her clothes when, all of a sudden, Cameron crawled out of the television set. She asked if she could join us and we said yes -- definitely. She took off her clothes. We were all naked and they were licking me all over when I woke up.

Deuce: I bet you're pissed that something like it never happened in real life.

Ace: And while we're talking, I have a question: If the apex is the highest point, is the zeepex the lowest?

Deuce: It doesn't work that way.

Ace: O well, it's time for the first fifth ...

Deuce: Of the day, you goddamn alcoholic?

Ace: No. Of the week, perhaps ...