some funny bits

while i was going through my old notes and old journals, i found some short jokes.

most of them i found elsewhere -- in books or magazines, on the net, or someone told me.

i present them for your amusement.
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religious differences
jews do not recognize jesus as the messiah.
protestants do not recognize the pope as their spiritual leader.
baptists do not recognize each other in liquor stores or strip clubs.
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black guys have more fun, because they invented afro-disiacs.
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every calendar's days are numbered.
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most men are nothing but overgrown boys.
the only things different? the types of their toys.
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in the past, many weddings were called "shotgun weddings." they took place because the bride was pregnant and her father made the man marry her.

it was a case of wife or death.
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if you get a hangover from drinking wine, you're suffering the wrath of grapes.
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the definition of foreploy:
any line of bullshit you use about yourself so you can get laid.
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beelzebug is when the devil takes the form of an insect that you just can't get rid of.
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too much money is tainted -- 'tain't yours, 'taint mine.
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rheinstein's theory of sexual physics:
the angle of the dangle
divided by the square of the hair
times the cube of the tube
equals the heat of the meat.
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an ignoranus is a person who is both stupid and an asshole.
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the movie had its moments -- especially the moment it was over.
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does the name pavlov ring a bell?
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that man was so rich that he bought his dog a boy to play with.
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reintarnation is when, as punishment for your sins, you come back to earth as a hillbilly.
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a guy once said to a gal: "let's do 68. you blow me and i'll owe you one."
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what's 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ... ?
bo derek getting older.
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the best advice i ever received about sex is this:
condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.