bad news in the workplace

this might be callous because of the bad news -- according to reports, about 533,ooo jobs were lost in november and the unemployment rate that month was 6.7 percent, the highest it's been since 1974.

but i found it funny in a grim way, so i pass it along to you.

*

dan
thanks for coming in to see me, rich. please, have a seat.

rich
it's nice to stand for a change.

dan
look, i know what they say about me. please don't buy all the hype. contrary to the rumors, i don't just sit here and fire poepole all day long.

rich
that's a relief, dan.

dan
with that said, i called you in because i have some good news and some bad news. which do you want first?

rich
uh -- the good news -- i guess.

dan
the bad news is this. in a few minutes, i'm going to reach into my file cabinet. in there, i have two assault rifles, two sawedoff shotguns and a homemade flame thrower.

first, i'm going to use the rifles to shoot everybody in marketing.

then i'm going to research, where i'm going to use the flame thrower. they'll all burn in agony, and i'm looking forward to that.

and i'll be sure to save some fuel for the ladies in the cafeteria.

finally, i'm going to the executive floor. there, all the directors will get a face full of buckshot -- point blank.

in short, no one in this organization will be spared from my rage.

rich
JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST, DAN! WHAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKING GOOD NEWS?

dan
i'm going to spare you because i like you and i'm going to give you a head start of here. so -- you're fired. pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here.