what frank's been thinking lately

recently, i asked my friend frank, "hey -- what have you been thinking about lately?"

he said, "i'll get back with you on that."

a week later, i received an audio cassette in the mail. when i played it, i heard frank say these words in a very desperate tone:

you want me to tell you what's been on my mind ... good god, man, if i did that, they'd send me to prison possibly forever if they wouldn't execute me for crimes against society ... the things on my mind recently involve assault and often murder ... not against you, i want you to know that ... you're one of my better friends ... at least you don't give me any grief ... or at least you give an amount of grief that i can't handle ... well, those thoughts also involve many illegal acts sexual and otherwise ... if i ever did any of them, i should be shot like a dog in the street ... my god, not even sleep brings me any peace ... i lie in bed and i can't sleep ... i walk the streets late at night to try to become tired enough to go to sleep but i just can't ... i live with these thoughts as burdens that life or fate or whatever has given me and i'll go to my grave with them pressing on my mind and making me sad ... but i've kept these thoughts and details of them to myself so far ... since you asked me about them i tell you them but only in general terms ... at least if i don't act on those thoughts, then i know i'll be assured of peace of mind after my death and a place in heaven with a little white cloud i can call my own ... and a nice view of earth so i can watch what people are doing down there ... and i'll also get unlimited supplies of hamburgers and cheeseburgers, and definitely steak too, because i love to eat beef ...